Thursday, December 25, 2008
I was banned from TelevisionWithoutPity for not beginning a sentence in a reply with a capital letter. Last night, I dreamed I was back at TWoP again. I was posting and I was unable to stop violating the "dos and don'ts." I had to appear before a panel of mods who would decide a suitable consequence. After a brief recess, the verdict was rendered. I was found guilty of font felonies and sentenced to wear mittens after I logged in. I was devastated. I woke up in a cold sweat and I was so upset I did not know if it was morning or evening. I immediately looked at my hands and I was shocked to see on the middle finger of my right hand a strange looking ruby thimble. I tapped it three times and said: "There's no place like internet forums" and the next thing I knew I was eating potato latkes at the old Famous in Brooklyn. Then, I really was awakened by a loud banging on my apartment door. It was the super with the exterminator. Nothing like a swift NYC reality check to break a technicolor fever dream. And instead of latkes, I grabbed a pop tart and went down to tumult with the doorman.